he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Alive.
So much puke
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
