I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
