I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
