She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
