i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
