i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My bed smells like the plague
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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