Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
