he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
