i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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