he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
