We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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