she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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