I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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