I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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