Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
