I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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