K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
