why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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