The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
