never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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