Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
