I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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