Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
