I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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