your room smells of hookers.
And success
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
