What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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