sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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