Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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