In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
