i just wanna soil my oats bro
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
