Welp...herpes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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