If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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