Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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