We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
