I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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