so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
