Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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