Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
