Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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