I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
