HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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