Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i came on her dog
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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