He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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