i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
