no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize