i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
