Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
