Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
