Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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