Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
