U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
