My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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