i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
