and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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