Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
