Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
