I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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