i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
