we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
