My hand turned me down
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
