The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize