I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
