you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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