I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
