i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
