K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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