i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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