everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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