All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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