I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
