I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
