You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
