Im at strip club and am horny
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
