I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
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Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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