the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
