Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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