I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
