Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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