do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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