All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
